#humor

I was arguing with the paramedics after they got me into the ambulance, begging for something to eat because I was so damn hungry. Maybe that’s why I didn’t walk into the stupid white light. Maybe I knew they wouldn’t have anything to eat down that way. ↗

— Diana Rowland

#death

إن الحياة هي عادة سيئة يرتكبها الميت كل يوم! ↗

— إبراهيم الزنيدي

#humor #life #sarcasm #death

The primary difference between sex and death is, with death there is no dress code ↗

— Josh Stern

#difference #dress-code #humor #sex #death

I run like I have cirrus clouds for legs and rainbow knees. What is life, if not a marathon of love?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#clouds #funny #humor #knees #life

I wonder if you can refuse to inherit the world. ↗

— Bill Watterson

#humor

Kick the blanket, don’t kick the bucket—especially if that bucket is full of death (or bricks).
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

I had a dream about you. You were dying, and everybody around you was ignoring you because nobody wants to think about death. I was the only person who saw your pain, and was willing to document your descent into decomposition with the unblinking honesty of a video camera following your every move. You didn't smile once, but I suppose that's natural, because you were a soon-to-be skeleton in a cemetery.
 ↗

— Dora J. Arod

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

Some solace for nobodies: you will live forever in a metadatabank. Some anxiety: a good deal of that data, if examined, will be embarrassing. ↗

— Bauvard

#hope #humor #life #memory #pain

I can understand bitchiness in any language. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#humor #retort #richelle-mead #snarkiness #age

After they left the office, Peabody shoved her hands in her pockets. "These nicknames are pissing me off." "But you're not I'm-Too-Good-to-Pee-Body. Harris is." "It's my damn name. And now I have to pee. It's like my bladder has to prove something." "Pee at the bank. Consider it a deposit. ↗

— J.D. Robb

#humor #peabody #death