#humor

Wow, someone woke up on the wrong side of the Midol. ↗

— Denise Jaden

#confidence #humor #faith

Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven. ↗

— Mark Twain

#everything #heaven #human #itself #joy

Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever. ↗

— Mark Twain

#forever #humor #live #must #preach

I thought you weren’t allowed to have a phone,” he says. “Or was that a really pathetic excuse to avoid giving me your number?” “I’m not allowed. My best friend gave it to me the other day. It can’t do anything but text.” He turns the screen around to face me. “What the hell kind of texts are these?” He turns the phone around and reads one. “Sky, you are beautiful. You are possibly the most exquisite creature in the universe and if anyone tells you otherwise, I’ll cut a bitch.” He arches an eyebrow and looks up at me, then back down to the phone. “Oh, God. They’re all like this. Please tell me you don’t text these to yourself for daily motivation. ↗

— Colleen Hoover

#beauty

You set fire to my house, killed my family, and ate my dog. But steal my boyfriend? That's a step too far. ↗

— Libba Bray

#humor #humour #beauty

Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out. ↗

— Ambrose Bierce

#american #cookery #his #humorist #intellectual

It was beautiful in a harsh I'm-going-to-gut-you-like-a-fish kind of way. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#the-last-olympian #beauty

Humor is the most engaging cowardice. ↗

— Robert Frost

#engaging #humor #most

Humor has justly been regarded as the finest perfection of poetic genius. ↗

— Thomas Carlyle

#finest #genius #humor #justly #perfection

True humor springs not more from the head than from the heart. It is not contempt; its essence is love. It issues not in laughter, but in still smiles, which lie far deeper. ↗

— Thomas Carlyle

#deeper #essence #far #head #heart