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Steven Wright

Read through the most famous quotes from Steven Wright




Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.


— Steven Wright


#humor #memory #humor

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.


— Steven Wright


#humor #humor

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.


— Steven Wright


#funny #skydiving #funny

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.


— Steven Wright


#making #penny #put #someone #somewhere

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.


— Steven Wright


#humor #success #humor

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.


— Steven Wright


#perspective #walking #humor

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.


— Steven Wright


#back #coffee #i #instant #microwave

What's another word for Thesaurus?


— Steven Wright


#another #thesaurus #word

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?


— Steven Wright


#humor

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.


— Steven Wright


#humor #humor






About Steven Wright

Steven Wright Quotes




Did you know about Steven Wright?

Steven Alexander Wright (born December 6 1955) is an American comedian actor and writer. Filmography
Desperately Seeking Susan (1985) as Larry Stillman D. What's disturbing is that with a few of these jokes I wish I had thought of them.

He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow deadpan delivery of ironic philosophical and sometimes nonsensical jokes paraprosdokians and one-liners with contrived situations.

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