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Mitch Hedberg

Read through the most famous quotes from Mitch Hedberg

I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.

— Mitch Hedberg

#could #crazy #dancer #drive #i

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

— Mitch Hedberg

#depressing #get #good #how #i

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

— Mitch Hedberg

#severed #stocking #ultimate

You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later. — Mitch Hedberg

— Mitch Hedberg

#humor #dreams

Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool apotamus?

— Mitch Hedberg


My belt holds up my pants and my pants have belt loops that hold up the belt. What the fuck's really goin on down there? Who is the real hero?

— Mitch Hedberg


Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

— Mitch Hedberg

#backpack #being #bring #day #down

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

— Mitch Hedberg

#blowing #bubble #carefree #felt #flavor

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

— Mitch Hedberg

#break #convenience #escalator #just #never

My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?

— Mitch Hedberg

#down #happening #hero #hold #holds

About Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg Quotes

Did you know about Mitch Hedberg?

" He also toyed with audiences that failed to respond in the way he had intended them to occasionally quipping "That joke's better than you acted. Hedberg was interviewed by Jonathan Davis in the December 2001 issue of Penthouse. His act usually consisted equally of compact one- or two-liners (like Steven Wright's) and longer routines often with each line as a punchline.

Hedberg's comedy and onstage persona gained him a cult following with audience members sometimes shouting out the punchlines to his jokes before he could finish them. His comedy typically featured short sometimes one-line jokes mixed with absurd elements and non sequiturs. Mitchell Lee "Mitch" Hedberg (February 24 1968 – March 29 2005) was an American stand-up comedian known for his surreal humor and unconventional comedic delivery.

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