Steven Wright

If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap? ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. ↗

— Steven Wright

#afraid #heights #i #lot #me

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. ↗

— Steven Wright

#absurd

It doesn’t matter what temperature a room is, it’s always room temperature. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #humor

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts? ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

When an evil masochist dies, does he go to hell, or would heaven be a better punishment? ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, 'The whole time. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor