Steven Wright

I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, 'The whole time. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

If warm air rises, Heaven could be hotter than Hell. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #humor

I had a quicksand box as a kid. I was an only child... eventually. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #humor

I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I know you? ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”? ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be? ↗

— Steven Wright

#riddle #humor

I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity. ↗

— Steven Wright

#infinity #humor

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange? ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

Sorry... my mind was wandering... one time it went all the way to Venus and ordered a meal I couldn’t pay for. ↗

— Steven Wright

#mind #venus #humor