#absurd

The Nile is famous for overflowing like my love. How fertile is your valley? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#love #nile #silly #change

To reduce this claim of slavery to an absurdity, it is only necessary to add that there are only two states in which slaves are a majority, and not one in which the slaveholders are not a very disproportionate minority. ↗

— William H. Seward

#add #claim #disproportionate #majority #minority

He had a new girl, and I told him she looked like Marilyn Monroe. He smiled because he thought I meant she was beautiful, and I smiled because I meant she looked like a corpse.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#beautiful #beauty #bizarre #corpse #dating

Albert Camus, a great humanist and existentialist voice, pointed out that to commit to a just cause with no hope of success is absurd. But then, he also noted that not committing to a just cause is equally absurd. But only one choice offers the possibility for dignity. And dignity matters. Dignity matters. ↗

— David Simon

#albert #also #cause #choice #commit

Walk Like A Pine Tree Day occurs on Stand Still Day. Orafoura and I observe both—and we observe whatever else we may be standing next to.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #nature #observe #see

If I could fly, I would soar all the way up to the window of a plane carrying a suitcase in my hand, then I’d motion toward the plane’s door and make an annoyed face at the terrified passengers. I have a feeling I would do this a lot. ↗

— Colin Nissan

#flying #funny #humor #funny

For a beverage, you asked for some “cherry-assed Kool Aid.” Okay, now you’re just adding “assed” in places where it doesn’t even make sense. Regardless, we will fulfill your request for Cherry Kool-Aid. However, Halle Berry will not be pouring it from her mouth into yours. For dessert, you asked for your mother’s homemade peach cobbler. It is highly unorthodox for someone other than the prison kitchen staff to prepare a final meal. Also, you killed her about eight years ago, remember? So you’ll have to settle for Hostess. ↗

— Colin Nissan

#funny #humor #last-meal #funny

Dave? This is John. Your pimp says bring the heroin shipment tonight, or he'll be forced to stick you. meet him where we buried the Korean whore. The one without the goatee." That was code. It meant "Come to my place as soon as you can, it's important. ↗

— David Wong

#funny #humor #random #funny

I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a cannibal might say in a retirement home.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#age #cannibal #cannibalism #death #food

You and I have a love so secret that not even you know about it. But first, let me introduce myself. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #ridiculous #age