#absurd

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly. ↗

— Woody Allen

#path

I'm not a drinker, my body won't tolerate...eh...spirits, really. I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hi-jack an elevator and fly it to Cuba. ↗

— Woody Allen

#spirit

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have. ↗

— Steven Wright

#culture

The one thing I remember about Christmas was that my father used to take me out in a boat about ten miles offshore on Christmas Day, and I used to have to swim back. Extraordinary. It was a ritual. Mind you, that wasn't the hard part. The difficult bit was getting out of the sack. ↗

— John Cleese

#christmas

Voodoo Girl Her skin is white cloth, and she's all sewn apart and she has many colored pins sticking out of her heart. She has many different zombies who are deeply in her trance. She even has a zombie who was originally from France. But she knows she has a curse on her, a curse she cannot win. For if someone gets too close to her, the pins stick farther in. ↗

— Tim Burton

#poetry #winning

Seeking what is true is not seeking what is desirable. ↗

— Albert Camus

#existentialism #honesty #seeking #truth #desire

A man devoid of hope and conscious of being so has ceased to belong to the future. ↗

— Albert Camus

#hope #hopelessness #suicide #consciousness

The moon is an orbital albino, and it gets tons of sunlight, so I propose Operation Sunscreen, where astronauts coat the surface of the moon with a protective layer of sunscreen. If you care about albinos and the environment, you’ll see this is a good idea. And hey, it’s a better use of taxpayer funds than bailing out private banks.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#albino #bailout #moon #environment

What have you been reading, The Gospel according to St. Bastard?! ↗

— Eddie Izzard

#gospel

I can tie a cherry stem into a knot with my tongue. Now, if only I could do the same with my shoelaces, I wouldn’t have to banana pudding my way to success.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #cherry #knot #nonsense #ridiculous