#advice

[I'll teach you] how not to leave the windows of your heart open when it looks like rain and how everyone has a stump where something necessary was amputated. ↗

— Steve Toltz

#human-condition #love #love

There are all sorts of books offering advice on how to deal with life-threatening situations, but where's the advice on dealing with embarrassing ones? ↗

— Ellen DeGeneres

#embarrassing #funny #funny

It is degrading to encourage something you would never do yourself. That is why I never give advice to young people. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humiliation #humor #youth #funny

It doesn't matter what clothes you had or what shoes you had, or how cool you were, or how many Facebook friends you garnered, what will matter in the end is what weapons you had, how many zombies you killed, and how long you survived. ↗

— Caleb Eversole

#caleb-eversole #funny #humor #zombies #funny

It's one thing to give out excellent advice, but quite another to personally swallow it. ↗

— Richelle E. Goodrich

#counsel #encouragement #guidance #help #opinions

On your birthday you should throw me a party. This is my advice for everybody, especially my clones. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#birthday #clone #funny #humor #funny

Most bullies are the product of a stressful and often abusive home life. Next time a bully threatens or attacks you, just yell, 'Don't abuse me like your parents abuse you!' Then call children's services and tell them you saw this bully crying in the bathroom and you're worried about him. Bam! He just got moved to a foster home. ↗

— Eugene Mirman

#advice #bullies #humor #school #humor

From my writer's workshop, "Know when it's time to put everything you've got on the page. Then, rip open a vein and do it! ↗

— Heather Burch

#writing-advice

Never ask an elf for help; they might decide your better off dead, eh?" (Orik) (Eldest) (Page 207) ↗

— Christopher Paolini

#humor #ironic #random #humor

There are two moments worthwhile in writing, the one when you start and the other when you throw it in the waste-paper basket. ↗

— Samuel Beckett

#writing-advice #writing-philosophy #writing-advice