#absurd

It’s true, I can’t make you love me. But I can refuse to let you out of your cage. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cage #funny #life #love #true

I want to gather up all the ink cartridges in the universe, because somewhere, mixed in with all that ink, is the next great American novel. And I’d love nothing more than to drink it. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#america #drink #funny #humor #love

Love is a bicycle with two pancakes for wheels. You may see love as more of an exercise in hard work, but I see it as more of a breakfast on the go. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bicycle #breakfast #exercise #funny #humor

Love one person at a time, that’s the motto I’ll try to get my clones to live by. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#clones #funny #humor #love #motto

Don’t try to hog loneliness and keep it all to yourself. Share it with a special someone.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#alone #bizarre #funny #hog #humor

The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg my friends to treat me that well. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#blindfolded #car #friends #friendship #funny

I was the captain of the latent paranoid softball team. We used to play all the neurotics on sunday morning. Nailbiters against the bedwetters, and if you've never seen neurotics play softball, it's really funny. I used to steal second base, and feel guilty and go back. ↗

— Woody Allen

#funny

I got a new car. I just need to put it together. They’re easier to steal piece by piece. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #stealing #theft #funny

I’m hungry but I won’t order 18 tubs of ketchup and a spoon. No, I’ll order it because I’m thirsty, and I’ll ask for a straw. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #hungry #funny

Absurdity and anti—absurdity are the two poles of creative energy. ↗

— Karl Lagerfeld

#absurdity #anti-absurdity #art #bi #bipolar