#absurd

A brick represents all the evil in the world. We should start a War on Bricks. And why not? It’s more tangible, yet just as nonsensical, as the War on Terror.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #evil #tangible #war

Scoop out my soul with a spoon like it’s a cantaloupe, and I’ll tell you that love is breakfast. And I’d love to make breakfast to Agatha one more time. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#love #random #love

If a picture paints a thousand words, then a naked picture paints a thousand words without any vowels.... ↗

— Josh Stern

#funny #humor #naked #paints #picture

Women need a reason to have sex, while men just need an angle ↗

— Josh Stern

#humor-funny-absurd #me #need #reason #women

A tailor walks into a lawyer, and the bar says, "I like your suit." And the tailor replies, "This morning I spotted a non-sequitur detective. Don't worry, he didn't follow me. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #surreal #funny

My brother was a great swimmer. He was as fast as a shark. Well, almost. It beat him by a half a leg's length, right below the knee. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #shark #funny

it can't be wrong, if it feels so wrong ↗

— Josh Stern

#humor #wrong #funny

If I had a funny thought and a runny nose, but only had one napkin and no paper, I’d rather use that napkin to write on than blow my nose. After all, that’s what sleeves are for.
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— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #odd #strange

My favorite time of the day is 3:33 pm, though I rarely see it because it’s a little too early to be getting up for the day. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #funny

Orafoura paid me in pajamas, and I let him because the pajamas matched his plaid mustache.
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— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #mustache #orafoura #pajamas