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Steven Wright

Read through the most famous quotes from Steven Wright




I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.


— Steven Wright


#irony #nobel-peace-prize #humor

It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.


— Steven Wright


#love #humor

You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.


— Steven Wright


#humor #reading #humor

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?


— Steven Wright


#humor

I have a hobby. I have the world’s largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you’ve seen some of it.


— Steven Wright


#humor

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.


— Steven Wright


#tarot #humor

I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension.


— Steven Wright


#sci-fi #sf #humor

I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was "Quote" so the last thing I said before I died would be "Unquote.


— Steven Wright


#humor

Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?


— Steven Wright


#humor

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.


— Steven Wright


#humor






About Steven Wright

Steven Wright Quotes




Did you know about Steven Wright?

Steven Alexander Wright (born December 6 1955) is an American comedian actor and writer. Filmography
Desperately Seeking Susan (1985) as Larry Stillman D. What's disturbing is that with a few of these jokes I wish I had thought of them.

He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow deadpan delivery of ironic philosophical and sometimes nonsensical jokes paraprosdokians and one-liners with contrived situations.

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