#arc

He seemed only ... annoyed. Annoyed, and sweaty, and hot. "Yeah, well," he said, "the next time you decide to sneak out of our magically warded apartment through a door that shouldn't really exist, leave a note. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#cassandra-clare #city-of-lost-souls #clary-fray #humor #jace-lightwood

Double Sword Tavern.” Tristan said, reading out loud. “Sounds charming and inviting. ↗

— B.C. Morin

#funny #sarcasm-humor #funny

Get the point?" I asked, offering the boys a triumphant smile. Gabriel, Zeb, and Dick stared at me, aghast. "What? Sarcastic postkill comeback. Isn't that what you're supposed to do in situations like this? Too harsh? ↗

— Molly Harper

#funny #gabriel #jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs

A brick could be hidden in the dirt, for future archaeologists to dig up and declare, “Wow! This was one advanced society.”
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #brick-and-blanket #funny #humor #random

We came around the corner and stood in the doorway of what looked like a paint-testing ground. This was where we proved once and for all that we were good loving parents. We decided to let him live. "What is painting doing in my best Tupperware bowl?" I yelled. "Well, I needed something lightweight I could carry around with me," he began. "You've been carrying around a brain for year," the boy's father said. ↗

— Sylvia Harney

#home-disasters #humor #parents #sarcasm #home

I do not think that when in a hotel you have to feel “at home”, on the contrary, you have to get the feeling that you are definitely elsewhere… ↗

— Aurelio Vazquez Duran

#hotel #home

I'm telling you, you really should stick to mating within your species, whatever that is." "I would," I said, "but unfortunately, there are no gorgeous, all-powerful, all-knowing gods around here. I'd even settle for a demigod. It's a step down, I know. But alas, there are nothing but low-brained mortals here. And half-brains, like you. ↗

— Kristin Walker

#humor #sarcasm #humor

Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me. ↗

— Ambrose Bierce

#humor #sarcasm #taste #humor

Cam's wings were so bright they were almost blinding as they pulsed. "Holy Hell," Callie whispered, blinking. "More or less," Arriane said ↗

— Lauren Kate

#fallen #fallen-angels #humor #ironic #sarcasm

Simon: So were you following me? Or is it just an amazing coincidence that you happened to be on the roof of a building I was walking by when I got attacked? Jace: I was following you. Simon: Is this the part where you tell me you're secretly in love with me? ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#jace-lightwood #love #sarcasm #simon-lewis #humor