#ark

Who knew hitting my head and passing out would be so much fun? ↗

— P.C. Cast

#funny #humor #marked #funny

If per capita was a problem, decapita could be arranged ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#funny #reaper-man #unseen-university #vetinari #funny

Does it have a name? All of these fancy magical weapons usually have names." Bishop glared at her. "Yeah. I like to call it Goldie." "You're funny for an angel." "Not really. I'm just inspired at the moment. ↗

— Michelle Rowen

#dark-kiss #michelle-rowen #funny

Let me get this straight. I can't take the vampire with me because if I remove the stake, he can kill us all. Now I can't take the girl because she's what? some kind of ninja witch? ↗

— Tate Hallaway

#tall-dark-and-dead #tate-hallway #funny

Who knew Demon Child would have such a normal name? I expected something exotic like Serena or Destiny or the Evil One That Comes in the Night to Make Us Chilly. ↗

— Darynda Jones

#humor #snarky #witty #funny

Get off me you dirty turnip!" "Dirty turnip? well, pardon me Signor Cabbage-Head! ↗

— Elle Newmark

#funny #luciano #marco #funny

You’re starting to look like you did before, and that’s not good because what you looked like was complete shit, so get up and go to bed so I can stop acting like your mother. I can already feel my balls starting to recede. And hey, does it look like I’m growing breasts? - Kye ↗

— Krista Alasti

#fantasy #funny #krista-alasti #shifters #taming-shadows

That's about as effective as a windshield wiper on a goat's ass. ↗

— Denise Tompkins

#humor #snarky-quotes #funny

A man’s greatest treasures are his illusions - Durzo Blint ↗

— Brent Weeks

#fantasy #humor

When she brought Mira up, Eve gave Roarke another glance. "Don't talk to him," she warned. "He can get bitchy when he's in this deep. I don't know if we have any of that tea stuff." "I had it stocked, and I don't get bitchy. Bloody, buggering HELL." Eve just rolled her eyes and got the tea. ↗

— J.D. Robb

#humor #roarke #death