#ash

I gave him my Order smile: sweet grin, hard eyes, reached over to my passenger seat, and pulled out my submachine gun. About twenty-seven inches long, the HK was my favorite toy for close-quarters combat. The rider’s eyes went wide. “This is an HK UMP submachine gun. Renowned for its stopping power and reliability. Cyclic rate of fire: eight hundred rounds per minute. That means I can empty this thirty-round clip into you in less than three seconds. At this range, I’ll cut you in half.” It wasn’t strictly true but it sounded good. “You see what it says on the barrel?” On the barrel, pretty white letters spelled out PARTY STARTER. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#humor #humor

Dios," he said, addressing himself to Jace. "What happened to you, brother? You look as if a pack of wolves tried to tear you apart." "That's either a shockingly good guess," said Jace, "or you heard about what happened. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #jace #raphael #humor

Your... Your aura. It's... amazing. It's shining. I mean, it always shines, but today... Well I've never seen anything like it. I didn't expect that after everything that happened.' I shifted around uncomfortably. If I lit up around Dimitri normally, what on earth happened to my aura post-sex? ↗

— Richelle Mead

#dirty #funny #hathaway #humor #ivashkov

I never saw anybody take so long to dress, and with such little result. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#humor #humor

Jace was very pale, with hectic spots like fever on his cheekbones. "But it was Valentine. I saw him. In fact, he had the Sword with him when he came down to the cells and taunted me through the bars. It was like a bad movie, except he didn't actually twirl his mustache. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #jace #valentine #humor

Well, why did you kill Jeremiah? And don't bother feeding me some story about how you just happened to wander along after he spontaneously died. I know you did this. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #jace #valentine #humor

There will be days that you don’t want to dress up and if you have some decent looking athletic wear, you can give the illusion that you’ve just been working out, as opposed to giving up on life. ↗

— Big Mama

#humor #thebigmamablog #humor

A short distance away is the Tidal Basin, ringed by cherry trees that every year produce flowers, an event to which Washingtonians react as though it were the Second Coming of Christ. ↗

— Dave Barry

#washington-dc #humor

I feel like grabbing my crotch and checking to see if my balls are still there because I think they may be in her pocket and I need to get them back. ↗

— Katja Millay

#humor #josh-bennett #nastya-kashnikov #humor

you are what you wear ↗

— Treasure Stitches

#fragrance #humor #style #humor