#christopher

Love? Sodding, bloody, tossing, bloody, sodding, bloody love? Irrelevant, superfluous, bloody, ruddy, rotten, sodding love? What ho? Wherefore? What the f*ck? Love? ↗

— Christopher Moore

#fool #love

Inside, I was like: "Ha, suck my spiky rubber strap-on, vampyre hunter! ↗

— Christopher Moore

#you-suck #love

I was all, "Oh, dog, Countess gonna crack open a forty of whup-ass on you now. Oh, you in the sh*t now, wigga!" (I am not incline to use hip-hop vernacular often, but there are times when, like French, it just better expresses the sentiment of the moment.) -Abby ↗

— Christopher Moore

#you-suck #love

Kayso, Foo finally came home and I jumped into his arms and sort of rode him to the ground with a massive tongue kiss so deep that I could taste the burned cinnamon toast of his soul, but then I slapped him, so he didn't think I was a slut. (Shut up, he had wood.) --Being the Journal of Abby Normal ↗

— Christopher Moore

#christopher-moore #love

Pervy and redundant, don't you think?" I asked the big gay cop, who wouldn't know a va-jay-jay if it bounced up to him and sang the "Star-Spangled Banner." (You ever notice that hardly anything besides the "Star-Spangled Banner" is spangled? There's no, like, the Raisin-Spangled Scone, or the Flea-Spangled Beagle. I'm just saying.) --Being the Journal of Abby Normal ↗

— Christopher Moore

#christopher-moore #love

[...]I am a romance slut, and there's nothing I can do about it. If a guy does or says something romantic, I'm all "Oh, please excuse me, kind sir, let me dial down my IQ and oh, if it would please sir, may I offer you this moist, yet helpless va-jay-jay that seems to have lost its way." -The Chronicles of Abby Normal ↗

— Christopher Moore

#christopher-moore #love

Which is why you chose to wear that delightful ensemble from the skank-wear collection at Hoes-n-Thangs?" -Tommy ↗

— Christopher Moore

#you-suck #love

As I sit here writing to you, I have propped my stocking feet much too close to the hearth. I’ve actually singed my stockings on occasion, and once I had to stomp out my feet when they started smoking. Even after that I can’t seem to rid myself of the habit. There, now you could pick me out of a crowd blindfolded. Simply follow the scent of scorched stockings. ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#christopher #love-letter #love

I'll not have an exchange with an impudent fool." [Oswald] He's not impudent," said Jones [the puppet]. "With proper inspiration, the lad sports a woody as stout as a mooring pin. Ask your lady." I nodded in agreement with the puppet, for he is most wise for having a brain of sawdust. Impudent! Impudent! Not impotent!" said Oswald, frothing a bit now. ↗

— Christopher Moore

#fool #inspirational

There you go: Someone who puts «positive thinking» and «shit» in the same concept can inspire some serious eye-rolling if you're the type who works at keeping your thought-life healthy. ↗

— Carol Plum-Ucci

#inspirational