#dark

You're Giving me a...stick" MaryL to a very dangerious vampire ↗

— L.J. Smith

#humor #humor

Stridey-Man' asked, Want 2 vacay w/me? William snorted as he typed. Romantic getaway for 2? UR not my type, dickwad. Fuck U. i'm everybody's types. So U in or out?Last chance in or out? In Knew U couldn't resist me. B ready in 5. Right on. Make it 10. I want 2 style my hair for U. U know, just how U like it. ASSHOLE. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#humor

Your Majesty,” Durzo said gravely. “A man of your stature’s cursing vocabulary ought to extend beyond a tedious reiteration of the excreta that fills the void between his ears.” - Durzo Blint ↗

— Brent Weeks

#fantasy #humor

All I did was offer to kill your dog, and the next thing I know I’m being judged. ↗

— Tom Upton

#teen #young-adult #humor

A difference in self loathing? Please. The only difference between a gun and a rope is the time it takes to tie the knot. ↗

— Justine Larbalestier

#humor

Sow a thought and reap an action, sow an action and reap a habit, sow a habit and reap a destiny - John Cleaver ↗

— Dan Wells

#fiction #humor

My boss is like an angry bear with a sore head and poison ivy up his ass. ↗

— E.L. James

#fifty-shades-darker #humor #humor

Self-doubt is a persuasive mistress; careful not to shag her or you’ll never get your balls back.” - Simon Hunt ↗

— Dannika Dark

#careful #dannika-dark #funny #humor #mageri

A million dollars? A bit much don't you think?" "Fuck you." Caleb smiled, the self indulgent little shit. "My apologies," he mocked with a slight forward bow, "What I meant to say is: no pussy's that good. Though yours does come close. ↗

— C.J. Roberts

#hilarious-but-true #humor

All right,” she said a little sarcastically. “I was going to assume you liked eating babies and sacrificing virgins, but I might as well ask, what do you do for fun?” “I languish in sin,” I replied in the same tone. “I take my babies rare, and my virgins over easy. ↗

— Nenia Campbell

#dark #humor #michael #sarcasm #humor