#ex

Since i couldn't remember the "real" first time i'd lost my virginity, this would have become my de facto first time. I wanted a better story then: I did it with this boy who i wasn't very into and who had mysterious Gaterade breath; in his room decorated with sports equipment; at least he was nice enough to provide condoms and get his ancient, horny dog to leave us along. ↗

— Gabrielle Zevin

#gabrielle-zevin #humor #naomi #sex #humor

This was our last night. We only had one curtain call, Bree. And I thought they were going to give us a standing ovation, but no-o-o-. Do you know why half the audience stood up?" "To get a head start on the traffic," Bree said. "To get a head start on the traffic," Antonia agreed in indignation. "I mean, here we are, dancing and singing our little guts out, and all those folks want to do is get to bed early. I ask you, whatever happened to common courtesy? Whatever happened to decent manners? Doesn't anyone care about craft anymore? And on top of that, it's not even nice. ↗

— Mary Stanton

#disappointment #expectations #humor #performance #play

If Nostradamus and Tiresias used gay magic to have a baby, and that baby grew up to make a lot of predictions about the destiny of clones – if that happened, then I would have a reason to convert to asexuality. As it is, I just kind of felt like not doing it. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#clones #funny #humor #prophecy #funny

I’ll leave before anyone wakes up. Promise.” “They’ll hear us,” I said, my heart pounding in growing panic. “I’ll take off my boots.” “How will that help you keep your mouth shut while we have sex? ↗

— Missy Welsh

#humor

Anyone can have an off decade. ↗

— Larry Cole

#humor #losers #self-effacement #humor

Patch: Y ademas hueles bien Nora: Se llama duchars. Utilizas jabón, champú y agua caliente. Patch:b Y te desnudas, conozco el ejercicio. ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#love #sexy-humor #humor

What do you think it means if someone has a tattoo of Thanatos’s symbol?” “Nothing probably, since a lot of us have tattoos of various symbols.” “You don’t.” As soon as the words left my mouth, I regretted them. His eyes turned from gray to silver in a heartbeat. I imagined he was remembering how I would know if he had a tattoo hidden somewhere. ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#alex #imagination

She imagined herself both queen and slave, dominatrix and victim. In her imagination she was making love with men of all skin colors--white, black, yellow--with homosexuals and beggars. She was anyone's, and anyone could do anything to her. She had one, two, three orgasms, one after another. She imagined everything she had never imagined before, and she gave herself to all that was most base and most pure. ↗

— Paulo Coelho

#masturbation #sexuality #imagination

Perhaps the most terrible (or wonderful) thing that can happen to an imaginative youth, aside from the curse (or blessing) of imagination itself, is to be exposed without preparation to the life outside his or her own sphere - the sudden revelation that there is a there out there. ↗

— Tom Robbins

#life #thought-provoking #imagination

Give me the waters of Lethe that numb the heart, if they exist, I will still not have the power to forget you. ↗

— Ovid

#homesickness #longing #love #love