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Dick called, but he just left dirty voice-mail messages. Let's just say if I'm ever in the market for a massage involving canola oil and marabou feathers, I'm covered. ↗
#dirty #funny #jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs
You want to stab me again, don't you?" He didn't look at all ashamed. "Think of it as testing the limits of your new abilities." I groaned. "I've created a monster." "I don't think someone who recently crawled from the grave should be throwing around labels like 'monster,'" he said, making sarcastic little air-quotes fingers. "It wasn't a grave," I sniffed. "It was a comfy four-poster. ↗
#funny #jane-jameson #molly-harper #monster #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs
Wait, is this a nice-ish way of telling me we had sex and I was lousy? That's how you can tell I'm inexperienced? Because, if so, that's just rude. And what were you doing at Shenanigans? And how did you find me on the road?" Gabriel looked wounded. "To answer your questions in order: The only body fluid I exchanged with you is blood--" "That's very comforting, thank you. ↗
#gabriel #jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs #questions
If looks could kill...well, Dick was already dead, so nothing would happen. But Gabriel was not laughing. "See Dick," Dick said, pointing at his chest. He then swept his hand dangerously close to mind. "Jane. Dick and Jane. Come on, you humorless jackass. That's funny. ↗
My grandma Ruthie, Jettie's sister, had been married four times, so many times I started calling every old man I saw at the grocery store Grandpa. ↗
#grandpa #jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs #remarried
You are the night." "I am the night," I repeated. "You are the night." I cocked my head, sending him a questioning look. "I am the night?" "Jane!" "Why is it that when you say my name, it sounds like a curse word? ↗
#gabriel #jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs #funny
Why would Dad call you? I mean, you have to admit that he would have been better off calling the local prison and asking them to send out one of the convicted killers to come find me. - Shella ↗
Why not? If you're not going to let me see you naked, we might as well be girlfriends." "You're a twisted little man." "Come on, Stretch, share with the class." "No!" I laughed. "Prude." "Perv." "Schoolmarm." "Some other word that essentially means perv. ↗
#funny #jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs #perv
