#fan

Hey, yummy leather guy? Can you hear me? (Amanda) ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#funny #humor #funny

I think the best time to stare off into space is when you’re going 65 on a motorcycle, provided you’re wearing your astronaut’s helmet. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#fantasy #funny #motorcycle #space #funny

David tells me that fairies never say 'We feel happy': what they say is, 'We feel dancey'. ↗

— J.M. Barrie

#david #fairy #fantasy #funny #happy

It means the third rail has seven hundred volts of direct current running through it. Touch it and you're human popcorn ↗

— James Patterson

#funny #max #popcorn #ride #funny

Have you ever wanted to be somebody else? Today I fantasized about being my own identical monozygotic twin. How cool would that be? I could both be me, and yet be someone completely different. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#fantasy #funny #monozygotic-twin #somebody-else #funny

I fixed your car," he said, tossing the keys from a jade dish on the little maple end table. I palmed them and eyed him speculatively. "You fixed my car?" "I have walked the earth for more than a century. I managed to pick up some skills along the way," he said, before reluctantly adding, "and one of them is finding skilled mechanics." I smirked, leaning against the wall. "You almost had me there." "I supervised," he insisted. ↗

— Molly Harper

#gabriel #jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs #funny

Are you going to answer my questions, or do I have to whack you with a stick until delicious candy surprises fall out? ↗

— Molly Harper

#jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs #pinata #questions

Leaving knots untied and scattering seeds to distract them will only work on vampires with OCD. ↗

— Molly Harper

#jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs #ocd #funny

Underwater, bubbles erupted before my eyes as a swift hand snatched my arm and pulled me to the surface. I gasped for air, coughing and gagging at the amount of water I sucked into my lungs by pure shock. What was up with me and breathing in water? I needed to grow some gills or something. ↗

— Laura Kreitzer

#fiction #funny #gills #humor #kreitzer

It’s complicated,” I said in defense, hands going up to show surrender. “Talk slowly,” Jenna retorted derisively. “Okay, I deserved that,” I admitted. ↗

— Laura Kreitzer

#fantasy #fiction #funny #humor #jenna-moretti