#go

Well you can't believe everything you read. After all, by definition, fiction writers lie for a living. ↗

— Janette Rallison

#my-unfair-godmother #humor

Oh, hello," Dr. M says, shaking Balder's hand. "Wonderful costume. I'm a bit of a role player myself on the weekends. Tell me, where did you get the helmet?" It was forged in the North, blessed by the hands of Odin, given to me by my mother, Frigg," Balder answers. Lovely. I got mine on the Internet. ↗

— Libba Bray

#bovine #bray #going #helmet #humor

I do not think you are in any danger of starving," Maximus said. "The surgeon said only two weeks ago that you are too fat." "The devil!" Berkley said indignantly, sitting up; and Maximus snorted in amusement at having provoked him. ↗

— Naomi Novik

#dragon #fat #humor #humor

You know, drinking milk doesn't make your boobs get any bigger. ↗

— Peach-Pit

#humor #ikuto #manga #shugo-chara #humor

I nodded, disappointed, but then I got an idea. "Hey, Grover. You want a magic item?" His eyes lit up. "Me?" Pretty soon we'd laced the sneakers over his fake feet, and the world's first flying goat boy was ready for launch. "Maia!" he shouted. He got off the ground okay, but then fell over sideways so his backpack dragged through the grass. The winged shoes kept bucking up and down like tiny broncos. "Practice," Chiron called after him. "You just need practice!" "Aaaaa!" Grover went flying sideways down the hill like a possessed lawn mower, heading toward the van. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #launch #humor

I don’t think you’re supposed to be able to get at that information,” said Leslie. “Don’t look,” said Goldstein, peering over Charles’s shoulder. “We don’t know anything about illegal hacking.” He whistled cheerily. ↗

— Patricia Briggs

#charles-cornick #fair-game #goldstein #hacking #humor

Optimism: That effervescent, blindingly- bright, perky, chipper, twittering quality you want to squash out of annoying people. ↗

— Richelle E. Goodrich

#cheerfulness #humor #merriment #optimism #pleasantness

If you'd just learn to do as I say from the beginning, I wouldn't have to follow up your errors with reproving smirks and repeated 'I told you so's. ↗

— Richelle E. Goodrich

#listening #richelle #richelle-goodrich #humor

Turns out that once you kill a god, people want to talk to you. Paranormal insurance salesmen with special "godslayer" term life policies. Charlatan's with "godproof" armor and extraplanar safe houses for rent. But most notably, other gods... ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#good-humor #hyperbole #humor

God save King Pendragon, May his reign long drag on, God save the King. Send him most gorious, Great and uproarious, Horrible and hoarious, God save our King. ↗

— T. H. White

#classic #humor #pendragon #humor