#h

Growing older is mandatory, but growing up is optional. ↗

— Heather Brewer

#humor #inspirational #optimistic #humor

It's all right, darling. I'll finish the financial report on my own. I can think clearly before sex and stay awake afterwards. That's one of the nice things about being a woman. ↗

— Barbara Taylor Bradford

#may-december-relationships #humor

Fennik growled. "You mock me." Korbyn's face was innocent, like Jidali's after he sneaked a cookie from Aunt Sabisa. "I would never mock such an illustrious personage," Korbyn said. ↗

— Sarah Beth Durst

#humor

When you say things like that to me, I call it a Kardashian. Know why? Because I'm looking for the but. ↗

— Richard Castle

#humor

I got hard and he was there and the next thing I knew he was on his knees. I mean, I was going to step away, but he licked me. ↗

— Anne Tenino

#humor

One should never marry a man who doesn't own a decent set of scissors. ↗

— Gillian Flynn

#scissors #humor

Frank tried to look like he was wrestling with his conscience, although he couldn't have found his conscience without a shovel and an exhumation order. ↗

— John Connolly

#humor

I brandished my parasol at him like a rapier. 'You, sir, are an abominable scalawag of a man, and I'll be damned if I let you threaten me. ↗

— Susan Dennard

#parasols #scalawags #strong-heroines #humor

Well, I'm more lopsided than a one legged badger," mewed Graypaw, breaking off from his carful stalking to stagger comically across the clearing. "I think I'll have to settle for hunting stupid mice. They won't stand a chance. I shall just wander up to them and sit on them till they surrender. ↗

— Erin Hunter

#graypaw #humor #into-the-wild #humor

And if the inevitability of human oblivion worries you, I encourage you to ignore it. ↗

— John Green

#oblivion #humor