#ice

Try not to trip," she added. "We don't have time for a concussion today." I groaned. That would be just like me - ruin everything, destroy the world, in a moment of klutziness. ↗

— Stephenie Meyer

#bella-swan #funny #new-moon #twilight-saga #funny

Don't go there Rule" Lawe warned him softly. " I don't think your horoscope declared today to be a good day to die. ↗

— Lora Leigh

#funny #lawe-s-justice #threat #funny

Are there any other missing persons living under your roof? Elvis? Jimmy Hoffa? Amelia Earhart? I'd just like full disclosure now, before we go any further. ↗

— Maggie Stiefvater

#officer-koenig #shiver #funny

I may not always be right, but when I am, I admit it ↗

— Ken Murray

#funny #funny

So furiously each other did assayle, As if their soules they would attonce haue rent Out of their brests, that streames of bloud did rayle Adowne, as if their springes of life were spent; That all the ground with purple bloud was sprent, And all their armours staynd with bloudie gore, Yet scarcely once to breath would they relent, So mortall was their malice and so sore, Become of fayned friendship which they vow'd afore. ↗

— Edmund Spenser

#friendship #malice #friendship

Cole, for Christ's sake, will you stop staring at me like I'm beefcake of the month? ↗

— Simon Holt

#quinn #simon-holt #soulstice #funny

I tended to hate people that hit me in the head without warning. ↗

— Amanda Hocking

#funny #hit #wisdom #funny

Green Lantern: "What are your powers anyway? You can't fly." Batman: "No." Green Lantern: "Super-strength?" Batman: "No." Green Lantern: "Hold on a second... You're not just some guy in a bat costume, are you? Are you freaking kidding me?! ↗

— Geoff Johns

#funny #green-lantern #justice-league #superheroes #funny

Each memory rips through me, and although I stow myself against the emotions, I can’t prevent the pain that accompanies each image. Pain for a love never acknowledged, pain for a friendship now gone. Pain for a loss I can’t possibly endure. ↗

— Christine Fonseca

#loss #pain #sacrifice #zane #friendship

Vanilla has become too genericized. It’s become standard, which is good. Vanilla is a household name. But the same standardization that’s made it so popular has taken the novelty out of it. Being the vanguard of ice cream has vanquished its radical sensation. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#commonplace #funny #ice-cream #vanilla #funny