#is

I'm glad you think this is funny." "You're not happy to see me, then?" Jace asked. "I have to say, I'm surprised. I've always been told my presence brightened up any room. One might think that went doubly for dank underground cells. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#quip #simon-lewis #funny

Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#holding-hands #humor #life #love #lovers

She says he says, but she could be lying to me, and he could be lying to her, so I can’t believe her, even if I could believe her.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#believe #bizarre #funny #honest #honesty

Selling something only to steal it back to sell again is not only dishonest, but highly profitable. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #profitable #selling #steal #funny

We are more disturbed by a calamity which threatens us than by one which has befallen us. ↗

— John Lancaster Spalding

#disturbed #more #than #threatens #us

If you're texting Magnus to say 'I think u r kewl' I'm going to kill you ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#city-of-ashes #funny #isabelle #funny

A Kiss is a terrible name for a piece of chocolate shaped like a water droplet, because kisses are hot and would melt chocolate—even if it is wearing an astronaut suit made out of tinfoil.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#chocolate #funny #humor #kiss #melt

La cucaracha, La cucaracha, Ya no puede caminar, porque no tiene, porque le falta, I don't know the rest, la la la la! ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#carlos-fuentes #funny #perfect-chemistry #rules-of-attraction #simone-elkeles

Every politician has a promising career. Unfortunately, most of them do not keep those promises. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#politician #politics #promises #funny

I will never buy a fish tank, because I don't believe in supporting the funding of aquatic war machines. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#fish-tank #funny #nonsense #pacifism #funny