#jo

You freaking bit me," I said, my voice hoarse. "You're lucky I don't call animal control. ↗

— Jayde Scott

#humor #jayde-scott #vampire #humor

Not only is he mentally challenged, all he has is a couple of scary fangs and absolutely no idea what kind of fire is in this furnace. ↗

— Jayde Scott

#humor #jayde-scott #humor

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet. ↗

— Stanislaw Lec

#beneath #beware #feet #ground #joy

I rushed us out of your parents' house because I didn't think I could manage two hours at the dinner table with everyone focused on Joe Loosey's joystick sitting in the refrigerator next to the applesauce. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#joe-morelli #humor

After that, he tried to go upstairs through the broom cupboard, and then the yard. This seemed to puzzle him a little. But finally he discovered the stairs, all except the bottom on, and fell up them on his face. The whole castle shook. ↗

— Diana Wynne Jones

#howl #howl-s-moving-castle #humor #magic #sophie-hatter

I'm an angel of death. I don't need night school, woman. You should just give up on this detective shit and start killing people for a living. It's simple, honest work, and you ain't got the brains for anything else. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#death

Fortunately, I got called down to NASA for an interview. And one thing led to the next, and one day I got that call. I've been here about seven years now and am really enjoying it. ↗

— Michael P. Anderson

#am #been #call #called #day

Did you see him? I know the photo was grainy, but he looks like one of those death metal goth heads, or whatever they’re called. All dressed in black with long hair I took umbrage at my mother describing my boyfriend this way. John was the Lord of the Underworld. How else was he supposed to dress? ↗

— Meg Cabot

#john-hayden #underworld #death

That didn’t happen, of course. Things never happened the way I imagined them. ↗

— John Green

#looking-for-alaska #imagination

One and God make a majority. ↗

— Frederick Douglass

#majority #make