#k

Let me get this straight. I can't take the vampire with me because if I remove the stake, he can kill us all. Now I can't take the girl because she's what? some kind of ninja witch? ↗

— Tate Hallaway

#tall-dark-and-dead #tate-hallway #funny

I doubt she likes the idea of seeing him put back in a cage.” “Maybe not,” he said. “But she knows that the Authority are the only people who might be able to help him.” “Or kill him,” I said. “That too. What is life without risk?” “Long?” Terric laughed, a sort of high whooping that made me—and Zayvion, much to my surprise—smile. Contagious. For all he had a serious exterior, Terric was the guy you’d want to sit next to at a funny movie, just to hear him laugh. ↗

— Devon Monk

#devon-monk #terric #zay #funny

There are too many books, so I’m writing one that’s flame resistant. I’m putting it on the shelf of my next job. My current job is as a librarian, which is the perfect position for an arsonist. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #funny

That's why I always keep a handful of silver glitter in my pockets. If I get pushed into a conversational corner I throw the glitter into the air, and while the person I'm talking to is distracted, I run away. An additional benefit is that I look like a cool magician, so I've got that going for me. ↗

— Jon Acuff

#christianity #funny #funny

Getting into a fight with a popular senior. Pissing off a school teacher and the local chief of police. Hanging with two major-league losers." She slapped my back. "Welcome to high school. ↗

— Harlan Coben

#high-school #humor #mickey #shelter #funny

Love is simple, if you allow it to be simple." Julian to Hannah, Take A Chance ↗

— Alison Wong

#chinese #england #english #funny #love

Who knew Demon Child would have such a normal name? I expected something exotic like Serena or Destiny or the Evil One That Comes in the Night to Make Us Chilly. ↗

— Darynda Jones

#humor #snarky #witty #funny

A comedy isn’t about being funny...a comedy is about characters who dare to know that they may choose a happy ending after all. ↗

— Gary D. Schmidt

#happy-ending #shakespeare #funny

He left the key in the ignition. No one was likely to come up here and steal the truck- and if anyone did... well, he could deal with Charles ↗

— Patricia Briggs

#charles-cornick #funny #funny

I wouldna cross the road to see a scrawny woman if she was stark naked and dripping wet. ~Jamie Fraser ↗

— Diana Gabaldon

#funny #jamie-fraser #outlander #scotland #skinny