#loo

Madam, I have been looking for a person who disliked gravy all my life; let us swear eternal friendship. ↗

— Sydney Smith

#disliked #eternal #friendship #gravy #i

I'm very honest - brutally honest. I always look at things from their point of view as well as mine. And I know when to walk away. ↗

— Indra Nooyi

#away #brutally #honest #i #i always

Blood is thicker than water," The young man said As he knifed his friend For a drooling old bitch And a house full of lies. ↗

— Ernest Hemingway

#blood-is-thicker-than-water #family #friendship #murder #family

Of course you know, this means war. ↗

— Joe Adamson

#looney-toons #war #funny

Because he sounded so lost-the Eric I knew had never been one to do anything other than assume others should serve him-I patted around under the covers for his hand. When I found it, I slid my own over it. His palm was turned up to meet my palm, and his fingers clasped mine. And though I would not have thought it possible to go to sleep holding hands with a vampire, that's exactly what I did. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#funny #sookie-stackhouse #true-blood #funny

I ain't never seen a creature like that before, she says. He's so smart, he's- More, like a person than a bird? I says. Yeah, she says. That's it. Whatever you do, I says, don't tell him that. I'll never hear the end of it. ↗

— Moira Young

#blood-red-road #crow #funny #maev #nero

So furiously each other did assayle, As if their soules they would attonce haue rent Out of their brests, that streames of bloud did rayle Adowne, as if their springes of life were spent; That all the ground with purple bloud was sprent, And all their armours staynd with bloudie gore, Yet scarcely once to breath would they relent, So mortall was their malice and so sore, Become of fayned friendship which they vow'd afore. ↗

— Edmund Spenser

#friendship #malice #friendship

Nicole can do anything that involves a ball and whistle. ↗

— Laurie Halse Anderson

#funny #looks #to #true #up

When I said it aloud, it sounded terribly creepy, which is why I had said it aloud. ↗

— Amanda Hocking

#creepy #funny #my-blood-approves #funny

I gave blood today. It came gushing out of my nose. And anus. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #funny