#m

I had a lot of ambition for love, but I decided it was time to stop being needy. Now that I'm lazy I've never been more successful. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #laziness #love #needy #success

Does it have a name? All of these fancy magical weapons usually have names." Bishop glared at her. "Yeah. I like to call it Goldie." "You're funny for an angel." "Not really. I'm just inspired at the moment. ↗

— Michelle Rowen

#dark-kiss #michelle-rowen #funny

If a person is mean to their family but polite to complete strangers, they shouldn’t go to extended family reunions – until they’ve mastered the diplomacy of sarcasm. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #family

Well, remember, active Grims can't have children. Fertility is adversley affected by the proximity to the ether, to Elixir, and all sorts of other components-- plus, the Grimsphere is no place to raise a family, even if woman conceive here." Lex snuck a glance at Driggs, but Uncle Mort caught her. "That doesn't mean you get a free pass to ride the baloney pony when ever you want to. Got it? ↗

— Gina Damico

#funny #sexual #family

His hand cups the back of my neck, and before I can think, he dips down and our mouths meet. For a split second I worry that he thinks he's kissing Courtney. But that instant the warmth of his soft lips spreads into mine, all thoughts dissolve. Pure feeling is all I have left. Little electric sparks sip through my bloodstream, making sure every nerve in my body is focused on his amazing mouth. ↗

— Tera Lynn Childs

#humor #kissing #forgiveness

Okay, so, flying,” I started, taking a deep breath and focusing on the thing I loved most in the world. “Flying is … great. It feels great when you’re doing it. It’s fun. Pure freedom. There’s nothing better.” Dylan smiled, a slow, easy smile that seemed to light up his whole face. “So the first thing we’re going to do,” I told him, “is push you off the roof. ↗

— James Patterson

#funny #humor #lol #smile #smooth

He’d done it like he did everything else—with passion and total disregard for how much it might embarrass her. ↗

— Kaylea Cross

#humour #romance #romantic-suspense #funny

Nathan, how can you stand playing the same piece over and over again?" And Grandpa Nate answered, "Why don't you ask me how I can stand making love to the same woman over and over again? ↗

— E.L. Konigsburg

#humor #music #sex #funny

I've got everything ready to go," I said once he was finally awake and dressed. All the tenderness and vulnerability was gone from his face when he said, "Go where?" "America?" His eyes narrowed. "This is America." "This is Canada." "Which is in North America." Silly Canadians wanting be part of the Cool Kids Club. ↗

— Tammy Blackwell

#funny-quotes #funny

I should have known the power-hungry slave drivers at River's Edge would see my five days of freedom only as a challenge to be filled. ↗

— Cate Tiernan

#freedom