#men

When a man plans, a woman laughs. ↗

— David Wong

#humour #men #paraphrased #plans #women

Freddie experienced the sort of abysmal soul-sadness which afflicts one of Tolstoy's Russian peasants when, after putting in a heavy day's work strangling his father, beating his wife, and dropping the baby into the city's reservoir, he turns to the cupboards, only to find the vodka bottle empty. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#humor #moroseness #russia #satire #sorrow

If you can't win by reason, go for volume. ↗

— Bill Watterson

#humor #loudness #reason #humor

Principled hate is a hell of a lot stronger than "Boy, I wish you hadn't mummified me and thrown me into the lake" hate. ↗

— John Green

#humor #humor

I'd made the vampire cry. Great. I felt like a real superhero. Harry Dresden, breaker of monsters' hearts. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #women #humor

When something needs to be said, you look for a man to say it. But when something needs actually to be done, you look for a woman. ↗

— P.B. Kerr

#men #women #humor

And before you barrel through some idiotic Cosmo girl list of how-well-do-you-know-your-man questions, let me say that I don't know squat about him except that he kisses like a god and screws like a devil. ↗

— Kristin Hannah

#women #humor

Yes, men are pigs. Except your brother, of course. He's actually a decent human being. Almost a woman. -Jillian's mother ↗

— Gena Showalter

#men #romance #humor

Intelligent men are dangerous. ↗

— Patricia Briggs

#intelligent #men #humor

...Whenever someone says to me, 'Jerry Lewis says women aren't funny,' or 'Christopher Hitchens says women aren't funny,' or 'Rick Fenderman says women aren't funny... Do you have anything to say to that?' Yes. We don't fucking care if you like it. I don't say it out loud, of course, because Jerry Lewis is a great philanthropist, Hitchens is very sick, and the third guy I made up. ↗

— Tina Fey

#feminism #humor #women #funny