#o

I love you. You are the object of my affection and the object of my sentence. ↗

— Mignon Fogarty

#humor #humor

We had a good time together. 3:33, to be exact. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#time #humor

Although the scythe isn't pre-eminent among the weapons of war, anyone who has been on the wrong end of, say, a peasants' revolt will know that in skilled hands it is fearsome. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor

I'm on the Internet. I stay informed. They let old people on the Internet, you know. ↗

— Stephen Emond

#humor #internet #humor

Regweld is really a fine wizard," he continued, patting the shoulder again. "And his ideas for crossbreeding a horse and a frog are not without merit; never mind the explosion! Alchemy shops can be replaced! ↗

— R.A. Salvatore

#fantasy #frog #horse #humor #icewind-dale

I got to give mom credit for how she handled it.She didn't try to pry and get all the details. All she said was that I should try to do "the right thing" because it's our choices that make us who we are. I figure that's pretty decent advice. But I'm still not 100% sure what I'm going to do tomorrow. ↗

— Jeff Kinney

#humor

Magic is the only honest profession. A magician promises to deceive you and he does. ↗

— Karl Germain

#humor #illusionists #illusions #magic #magicians

A pair of dolphins swept by us in the water, flicking their heads out to get a look at us as they went. One of them made a chittering sound that wasn't very melodic. The other twitched its tail and splashed a little water our way, all in good fun. They weren't the attractive Flipper kind of dolphins. They were regular dolphins that aren't as pretty and don't get cast on television. Maybe they just refused to sell out and see a plastic surgeon. I held up a fist to them. Represent. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#flipper #humor #respect #humor

In truth, Freud sees nothing and understands nothing. ↗

— Gilles Deleuze

#humor #philosophy #psycoanalysis #humor

You know, I found a gray hair the other day. I almost broke the sound barrier rushing to the pharmacy to get some dye. Beth snorted. Oh please! You're a blonde-no one can see gray hair up there. Now, you get one down under, and then you can panic. ↗

— Jenn McKinlay

#humor