#ole

Napoleon made war like I make love—from a height of about 68 centimeters. (I wear platform shoes while I’m on my knees) ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#love #napoleon #war #funny

When she absently worried her bottom lip with one of her adorable little fangs, he sighed. The Enemy of Old fucking sighed. Dear gods, it’d finally happened to him. Happiness. Then his own fangs sharpened.I will kill anyone who tries to take this feeling away from me. ↗

— Kresley Cole

#funny #happiness #immortals-after-dark #kresley-cole #lothaire

There’s truth and honor in a mustache. And that’s why I started flying one on the flagpole outside of my house. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #flag #flagpole #funny #honor

I started down but Sam caught my arm and knelt down himself to look. "For crying out loud," he said. "It's a racoon." "Poor thing," I said. "It could be a rabid baby-killer," Cole told me primly. "Shut up," Sam said pleasantly. ↗

— Maggie Stiefvater

#funny #grace-brisbane #prim #rabid #racoon

Funny, gorgeous, and a genius. What a package." He backed out of the parking space, smiling as he drove away. I loved that he left crazy off the list. I loved it even more that he would never think to add it. ↗

— Myra McEntire

#hourglass #michael-weaver #funny

My first job when I got my equity card was acting in 14 plays back-to-back. Playing that many roles, you look for ways of differentiating the characters physically, which goes hand in hand with understanding them psychologically. ↗

— Andy Serkis

#card #characters #equity #first #goes

It is more than twenty years since we left the city. This is a serious chunk of time, longer than the years we spent living there. Yet we still think of Jerusalem as our home. Not home in the sense of the place that you conduct your daily life or constantly return to. In fact, Jerusalem is our home almost against our wills. It is our home because it defines us, whether we like it or not. ↗

— Yotam Ottolenghi

#home #jerusalem #sami-tamimi #yotam-ottolenghi #home

I just took a little nap. I stole it from an infant.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#baby #humor #infant #nap #sleep

So you love me," said Petra softly when the kiss ended. I'm a raging mass of hormones thet I'm too young to understand," said Bean. "You're a female of a closely related species. According to all the best primatologists, I really have no choice." That's nice," she said... ↗

— Orson Scott Card

#humor #love #humor

Max - "...Do me a favor, if the constable comes knocking, tell him I was here all morning, will you?" Dodsley - "Killed someone again, did we?" Max- "Never before luncheon, Dodsley. It's still early yet. ↗

— Gaelen Foley

#humor #romance #humor