#or

From now on when a boy starts telling me about his lost loves I am going to run in the opposite direction screaming loudly... Somehow I bring out such confidences, and I'm pretty sick of hearing about Bobbe or Dorothy or P.K. or Liota. God damn them all. ↗

— Sylvia Plath

#lost-loves #humor

When I was in junior high I read a lot of Danielle Steele. So I always assumed that the day I got engaged I'd be naked, covered in rose petals, and sleeping with the brother of the man who'd kidnapped me. And also he'd be a duke. And possibly my stepbrother. Then one of us would get stabbed with a broken whiskey bottle and/or raped. Turns out the only part I was right about was that one of us was going to get stabbed. ↗

— Jenny Lawson

#humor

You can swim all day in the Sea of Knowledge and still come out completely dry. Most people do. ↗

— Norton Juster

#humor

I have never been to a court s gracious as the one Neha keeps. Dmitri played a knife through his fingers, one of the three he'd brought back from Neha's territory. "She truly believes in giving honor to a visitor." He threw to knife at Jason. "He threw it back as Venom added, "Thought she might have that guest neatly executed as the court sleeps. ↗

— Nalini Singh

#humor

Do you know me, my lord?' Excellent well. You are a fishmonger. ↗

— William Shakespeare

#humor

Basically, Sherri's idea had to do with bringing Fat's mind down from the cosmic and the abstract to the particular. She had hatched out the practical notion that nothing is more real than a large World War Two Soviet tank. ↗

— Philip K. Dick

#concrete #humor #reality #humor

Ingrid shrugged...like Marie Antoinette hearing about the starving peasants. ↗

— Peter Abrahams

#marie-antoinette #humor

And I thought -- when you're a half-hour late, and your friends think you're in jail, it's probably a sign you steal too much. ↗

— CrimethInc.

#humor

There is small merit in mocking goodness, tweaking charity; it is much more comic to deprive people of their petty little existence for no reason at all, for a lark. ↗

— Jacques Rigaut

#humor #humor

A critic is someone who enters the battlefield after the war is over and shoots the wounded. ↗

— Murray Kempton

#humor