#or

My father would argue two side of a möbius strip. ↗

— Dan Brown

#math-humor #science-humor #humor

He was much older and had the physique of someone who spent all his time behind a computer. The only way he'd have a six-pack was if he'd added it on Photoshop. ↗

— Laurie London

#humor

Felix just sat there, not smirking exactly - or not so as you could call him on it - but clearly happy with how unhappy he'd managed to make all of us. ↗

— Sarah Monette

#jerks #humor

There are two rules for sucess: 1. Never tell everything you know. ↗

— Roger H. Lincoln

#mystery #roger-h-lincoln #rules #sucess #humor

The cosy glow which had been enveloping the Duke became shot through by a sudden chill. It was as if he had been luxuriating in a warm shower bath, and some hidden hand had turned on the cold tap. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#humor

Blake looked around and gulped. He'd forgotten about the mess on the floor. Chamber pot shards, his shaving kit, a towel or two... "I... ah..." It seemed to him that it was far easier to lie for the sake of national security than it was to his older sister. "Is that a bar of soap stuck to the wall?" Penelope asked. "Um... yes, it appears to be. ↗

— Julia Quinn

#soap #humor

con-tu-ber-nal(noun). One who occupies the same tent; a tent-fellow, comrade. The thought of Percy Prewitt as my contubernal causes me to break out in hives. -From the personal dictionary of Caroline Trent ↗

— Julia Quinn

#humor

I wanted to write in Kitchenese, the secret language of cooks, instantly recognizable to anyone who has ever dunked french fries for a summer job or suffered under the despotic rule of a tyrannical chef or boobish owner. ↗

— Anthony Bourdain

#reality #humor

Mimes! You can't tell me the devil doesn't have anything to do with mimes!-Paula, Holy Smokes ↗

— Katie MacAlister

#humor

Hey Pudge," the Colonel said. "What do you think of a truce?" "It reminds me of when the Germans demanded that the U.S. surrender at the Battle of the Bulge," I said. "I guess I'd say to this truce offer what General McAuliffe said to that one: Nuts. ↗

— John Green

#humor