#or

So I am death" Charlie said then turned to his daughter while buttering his toast. "This is death toast sweety. ↗

— Christopher Moore

#humor #death

Thou mutters, Miss Putnam. Speak up.” Like she couldn’t hear. She’d hear Chess if Chess ran to the other end of the room, covered her mouth with her hands, and whispered “Fuck you,” but she couldn’t hear Chess standing four feet away from her. ↗

— Stacia Kane

#humor #humor

Cops before breakfast.Before coffee even. As if Mondays weren't bad enough. ↗

— Josh Lanyon

#humor

I don't believe this. How can he not want to go to the Savoy? God, it's all right for top businessmen, isn't it? Free champagne, yawn, yawn. Goody bags, yet another party, yawn, how tedious and dull. ↗

— Sophie Kinsella

#humor #humor

You can't shame a shameless man, you can only remind him of the awesome shit he's done. ↗

— Captain Perverto

#individuality #humor

Prejudice in this country is like chapters in a book. Chapter One: Hating the Africans and Indians. Chapter Two: Don't forget the Irish. Chapter Three: Polish jokes."..... "Hispanics? Latinos? Whatever you call us? Maybe we're Chapter Fifteen or Sixteen on the East Coast, but we're the preface in the West. ↗

— Emilie Richards

#controversy #culture #humor #prejudice #humor

All things considered, insanity seems like the best way to go. ↗

— anouymous(i know i didn't spell that right but whatever

#humor

The things we do to eat! Running from scorpions the size of small dogs, dodging 10 foot long rattlesnakes and squashing monster spiders - all in a days work ↗

— Gail

#humor

I'm warning you, that jacket is sexy. The Institute could go up in sexy, sexy flames. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#jace-herondale #jacket #sexy #humor

Thời gian trong toa lét bao giờ cũng hữu ích hơn ở nơi khác vì nó cho cảm giác đang làm nhiều việc cùng một lúc. ↗

— Nguyễn Bình Phương

#humor