#or

Fisk would take care of it. ↗

— Hilari Bell

#reliance #humor

And before any Christian readers get all offended - relax. I'm not saying that I'm the new Jesus. I'm just saying there's a very good chance that I might be. ↗

— Danny Wallace

#humor

If you measure your happiness by the amount of liquid you have in your glass, you are either a cliché or an alcoholic. ↗

— Caprice Crane

#humor

Why do airline pilots always call passengers "folks"? I don't usually take umbrage at generic terminology--I'm one of those forward-thinkers who believes that "man" encompasses the whole darned race -- but at whatever 0'clock in the mornning. I thought it would be nice to be called sometihng that suggested unwashed masses a little less. ↗

— C.E. Murphy

#humor #urban-shaman #humor

Smartass Disciple: Master, do you really believe in the second chance? Master of Stupidity: That supports the basis of lost-then-found concept. ↗

— Toba Beta

#humor #lost-then-found #philosophy #second-chance #humor

Jenny: You didn't leave? Gareth: Of course I left. I was hungry, and I couldn't find anything to eat. I bought a loaf and some cheese. And oranges. Wait. You mean you thought I had left. Without saying a word to you. Would I do that? (Jenny nodded) Gareth: Damn it. You know better than most I'm no good at these things but even I am not that bad. Really, Jenny. Why would you believe such a thing of me? Jenny: I don't know, Maybe because you once told me all you wanted from me was a good shag? Gareth: I said that? (he looked surprised, then contemplative. Then apparently, he remembered and winced) God. I said that? Why did you even touch me? ↗

— Courtney Milan

#romance #humor

That’s the thing about living vicariously; it’s so much faster than actual living. In a few minutes we’ll be worrying about names for the children. ↗

— Audrey Niffenegger

#humor

This new world was already turning her into a cabbagehead, and she'd only been a part of it for an evening ↗

— Sarah MacLean

#sarah-maclean #humor

Smartass Disciple: Master, what is the secret recipe of your happiness? Master of Stupidity: If I tell you, there is nobody left to be made fun of. ↗

— Toba Beta

#happiness #humor #recipe #secret #humor

If Eric's a demon," I said slowly, "that makes you a..." "Rogue demon hunter." I blinked. "Lost in the Buffyverse, are we?" "That show was a real pain in my ass," he muttered. ↗

— Lori Handeland

#humor