#or

It was pretty late and the streets were quiet so she was almost sure no one had seen her drag the soul eater into the alley... where she cut his head off with a samurai sword. God, she loved her life. ↗

— Samantha Young

#samurai #sword #violent #humor

You're a cop. I need a doughnut. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #stereotype #humor

The general intellectual level of South Florida is somewhere just above "functionally retarded". ↗

— Tucker Max

#humor #intelligence #humor

She dotes on poetry, sir. She adores it; I may say that her whole soul and mind are wound up, and entwined with it. She has produced some delightful pieces, herself, sir. You may have met with her 'Ode to an Expiring Frog,' sir. ↗

— Charles Dickens

#frog #humor #mind #ode #poetry

PREFACE PROBLEM: Nobody reads prefaces. SOLUTION: Call the preface Chapter 1. NEW PROBLEM CREATED BY SOLUTION: Chapter 1 is boring. RESOLUTION: Throw away Chapter 1 and call Chapter 2 Chapter 1. ↗

— Gerald M. Weinberg

#problem #solution #humor

Buster was queer as a cat fart. ↗

— John Irving

#humor

I think I know why you never married, Sarah." "Well, and I reckoned if I wanted something that'd come and go as he pleased, take me for granted, and ignore me when he chose, I'd get a cat. And if I wanted something I'd always have to be picking up after, getting into trouble, but slavishly devoted, I'd get a dog. ↗

— Mercedes Lackey

#men #humor

Your great puddin' of a son don' need fattin' anymore Dursley, don't worry ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor

It's not the books by Stephen King that I read, I need protection from the things in my head . . . ↗

— Jimmy Buffett

#humor #humor

Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night ↗

— W.C. Fields

#humor