#or

Oh, hello," Dr. M says, shaking Balder's hand. "Wonderful costume. I'm a bit of a role player myself on the weekends. Tell me, where did you get the helmet?" It was forged in the North, blessed by the hands of Odin, given to me by my mother, Frigg," Balder answers. Lovely. I got mine on the Internet. ↗

— Libba Bray

#bovine #bray #going #helmet #humor

Vivian, I'd like to give you my heart, but since that might be inconvenient I've brought you someone else's." "Rafe you jerk, this is a sheep's heart. ↗

— Annette Curtis Klause

#threat #humor

I was on HPD--Heathcliff Protection Duty--in Wuthering Heights for two years, and believe me, the ProCaths tried everything. I personally saved him from assassination eight times. ↗

— Jasper Fforde

#humor #wuthering-heights #humor

There was a DJ who stayed up for eleven days straight, the longest recorded period of time anyone has ever gone without sleep, and he started playing nothing by Phil Collins, and that's how they knew it was time to call the ambulance. ↗

— Meg Cabot

#humor

It's the same with spirit guises; show me a sweet little choirboy or a smiling mother and I'll show you the hideous fanged strigoi it really is. (Not always. Just sometimes. *Your* mother is absolutely fine, for instance. Probably.) ↗

— Jonathan Stroud

#humor #stroud #humor

What's a flange?" asked Marcia. A what?" A flange. It says here attatch piece Y to the long, upright D, taking care to align holes P and Q with the corrosponding holes N and O in the left-hand flange. I can't see a wrethed flange anywhere. ↗

— Angie Sage

#humor #humor

A cash-bought merit badge ain't worth shit. ↗

— Chuck Palahniuk

#humor

If you lay a hand on me I'll ram your testicles so far up inside your abdomen it'll take a heart surgeon to get them out. ↗

— Orson Scott Card

#humor #orson #humor

Woah,' I said, blocking the doorway. 'You can't come in here. This is the girls' room.' Even as it came out of my mouth, I knew it sounded dumb. Dumb, I thought and maybe even wrong. You...are a boy, aren't you?' I asked. 'I mean, don't take that the wrong way or anything -' J.Lo is a boy, yes.' I let that go. So...you Boov have boys and girls...just like us?' Of course,' said J.Lo. 'Do not be ridicumlous.' I smiled a wan little smile. 'Sorry.' The Boov have seven magnificent genders. There is boy, girl, girlboy, boygirl, boyboy, boyboygirl, and boyboyboyboy.' I had absolutely no response to this. ↗

— Adam Rex

#gender #humor #politeness #humor

Randall laid his hand on Stella's, but only to remove it from his sleeve. "My precious, you really must have some regard for my clothes," he said with gentle reproach. "Much as I love you, I cannot permit you to maul this particular coat. ↗

— Georgette Heyer

#humor