#our

At first, I could lie about my lack of sleep and she'd fall for it, but she started suspecting insomnia when I began seeing purple elephants in the air vents at the office. I knew I shouldn't have asked her about them. I thought maybe she'd redecorated. ↗

— Darynda Jones

#humour #humor

I'm a poet, and I like my lies the way my mother used to make them. ↗

— Aleister Crowley

#humour #humor

Stop smiling. Every time you smile, an angel dies. ↗

— Kristan Higgins

#humour #smiling #humor

As women glide from their twenties to thirties, Shazzer argues, the balance of power subtly shifts. Even the most outrageous minxes lose their nerve, wrestling with the first twinges of existential angst: fears of dying alone and being found three weeks later half-eaten by an Alsatian. ↗

— Helen Fielding

#humour #power #thirties #twenties #women

Caroline was always moody and miserable, but I liked it. I liked feeling as if she had chosen me as the only person in the world not to hate, and so we spent all this time together just ragging on everyone, you know? ↗

— John Green

#hate #john-green #the-fault-in-our-stars #the-fault-in-our-stars

Don't worry. Worry is useless. I worried anyway ↗

— John Green

#hazel-grace #thoughts #worry #the-fault-in-our-stars

What the hell was she doing on the nonhostage side of a handgun? ↗

— Suzanne Brockmann

#humour #military-romance #romance #romantic-suspense #funny

But who wants to be foretold the weather? It is bad enough when it comes, without our having the misery of knowing about it beforehand. ↗

— Jerome K. Jerome

#humour #weather #humor

Mr Lorry asks the witness questions: Ever been kicked? Might have been. Frequently? No. Ever kicked down stairs? Decidedly not; once received a kick at the top of a staircase, and fell down stairs of his own accord. ↗

— Charles Dickens

#dickens #humor #lie #witness #humor

How do you know?” “Well, I don’t, I’m making this up, but I bet I’m right. ↗

— Robyn Carr

#cute #funny #humour #romance #romantic