#ow

An anniversary is the perfect time to celebrate all the missed opportunities to correct a mistake, and even take vows to renew it. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #love #marital-vows #funny

How'd you get to be so good at this?" "I had a good teacher." "Better not have been Myrnin or I'll have to kick his predatory ass." "I mean you, dummy." "Oh. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#funny #ghost-town #humor #morganville-vampires #myrnin

My parents always said that knowledge was the best gift they could give me, probably because they were too cheap to buy me Christmas or Birthday presents. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cheap #christmas #funny #knowledge #funny

My uncle was always trying to staple rodents and small mammals to my torso when I was growing up. He’d always say, “Come on, this will put hair on your chest.” No, thanks, I’d say. I’ll stick to super-gluing wigs across my pecks. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #growing-up #odd #strange #surreal

He auditioned with Lily, and he and Lily had incredible chemistry that sort of blazed off the scene. I’m just sitting here watching this on my computer, and you know, he was not the only person they’ve ever sent me to look at. I’ve gotten lots of headshots and this and that, and I’m watching the audition and I literally started crying because that was my Jace and Clary on the screen. And it’s an incredible feeling to see that even as an audition. This is amazing. He was snarky funny where he needed to be snarky funny, and he was badass where he needed to be badass. And he and Lily were incredible together ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#jamie-bower #mortal-instruments #funny

I think so,” she [Claire] said. “Just watch your back, okay?” “Nah, Michael’s got mine.” He [Shane] looked straight into her eyes. “I’ve got yours. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#eve-rosser #funny #ghost-town #humor #michael-glass

I'm going to take a wild guess here and say the hard-on you've been sporting all afternoon is not on account of Mr. Nicholson continually bending over to pick up the golf balls, right?" "For fuck's sake, Dad!" James cursed, looking horrified at his father, who just shrugged his shoulders at his son's shocked expression. "Whaaat? Just making sure," he added, hardly hiding his amusement. ↗

— Elle Aycart

#raises-eyebrows #funny

Look, why don't you go talk to Ron about all this?" Harry asked. "Well, I would, but he's always asleep when I go and see him!" said Lavender fretfully. "Is he?" said Harry, surprised, for he had found Ron perfectly alert every time he had been up to the hospital wing. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#lavender-brown #poison #ron #funny

Does it have a name? All of these fancy magical weapons usually have names." Bishop glared at her. "Yeah. I like to call it Goldie." "You're funny for an angel." "Not really. I'm just inspired at the moment. ↗

— Michelle Rowen

#dark-kiss #michelle-rowen #funny

You’re starting to look like you did before, and that’s not good because what you looked like was complete shit, so get up and go to bed so I can stop acting like your mother. I can already feel my balls starting to recede. And hey, does it look like I’m growing breasts? - Kye ↗

— Krista Alasti

#fantasy #funny #krista-alasti #shifters #taming-shadows