#pro

Not to sound, you know, like a dick," Jack said carefully. "But you just dragged us out of bed to show us Jane's messy room? That's not really an emergency Mae." "She's not here!" Mae shouted, gesturing to the mess around her. "That's the emergency."  "Again, not to be a dick, but that's not really an emergency." Jack said. ↗

— Amanda Hocking

#jack #mae #my-blood-approves #humor

Ah, you coward! Look at you, running." "Actually, it's called improvising. ↗

— Jonathan Stroud

#humor #improvising #humor

It was her brother,' said Mr. Thornton to himself. 'I am glad.I may never see her again; but it is comfort-a relief-to know that much. I knew she could not be unmaidenly; and yet I yearned for conviction. Now I am glad!' It was a little golden thread running through the dark web of his present fortunes; which were growing ever gloomier and more gloomy. ↗

— Elizabeth Gaskell

#love #misfortunes #proof #love

Why hasn't someone lassoed a few teenagers and had them sit down and write out all the supposed answers they have so we can solve the world's problems already? ↗

— Richelle E. Goodrich

#problems #richelle #richelle-goodrich #teenagers #world-issues

Biffy said, off the cuff, "Or we could find a replacement queen." "Volunteering for the position?" "Why, Professor, is that wittiness I detect?" "Only for you." "Charmer." Biffy tapped him on the arm playfully. ↗

— Gail Carriger

#humor #professor-lyall #timeless #humor

I believe in evolution in the sense that a short-tempered man is the successor of a crybaby. ↗

— Criss Jami

#belief #clever #comparison #control #crying

I'd rather buy clothes then buy a bed ↗

— Christian Siriano

#clothes #humor #project #runway #humor

So hey, once Joshua heals your brother, you want to go do something, get some pomegranate juice, a falafel,or get married or something? ↗

— Christopher Moore

#humor #humor

In one scene, when I was supposed to say, "In a pig's eye you are," what came out was, "In a pig's ass you are." Old habits die awfully hard. ↗

— Ava Gardner

#humor #improvising #night-of-the-iguana #swearing #humor

PREFACE PROBLEM: Nobody reads prefaces. SOLUTION: Call the preface Chapter 1. NEW PROBLEM CREATED BY SOLUTION: Chapter 1 is boring. RESOLUTION: Throw away Chapter 1 and call Chapter 2 Chapter 1. ↗

— Gerald M. Weinberg

#problem #solution #humor