#ra

One blanket, coupled with a fluffy pillow, could be implemented as a torture device for insomniacs.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Ish #109 "If MapQuest says make a right, go straight. You'll get there quicker. ↗

— Regina Griffin

#funny-quotes #humor #humorous #tags-funny-and-random #funny

A brick is what I’m voting for for President. And guess what? If you’re voting for a Republican or Democrat, so are you.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used to send a message. The quickest way to send it would be through the air, and it would make more of an impact than an email or a text message.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

If I hung out with Van Gogh, I don’t know what we’d do. We’d just play it by ear, I guess.
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— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought

Darling Daddy, This is Rose. Very good news. Caddy is going to marry Micheal. In case you have forgotten because you have not been home for so long he is the one with the ponytail and the earring that you do not like. And Caddy says she will have a white lace dress and three bridesmaids, Saffron and Sarah and me, and a big party for everyone, all her old boyfriends too. Fireworks. A band. A big tent called a marquee. But where will we put it? Carriages with white horses for us all to go to the church. Afterward Caddy and Micheal will go for a holiday to Australia to visit the Great Barrier Reef. Caddy has it all worked out and Mummy says Yes She Can Of Course You Can Darling Of Course You Must Do That. Saffron said That Will Cost a Few Weeks Housekeeping and Mummy said Yes But We Do Not Need to Worry About That. DADDY WILL PAY. Love, Rose. ↗

— Hilary McKay

#weddings #family

So why are you so mad at me for kissing you?” “Because you took too long. If you'd done that, say, three years ago, we wouldn't have only had one kiss before we both get horribly mutilated. ↗

— Rusty Fischer

#romance-funny #romantic #ushers #vampires #werewolves

Orafoura paid me in pajamas, and I let him because the pajamas matched his plaid mustache.
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— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #mustache #orafoura #pajamas

A funny thing happened to the First Amendment on its way to the public forum. According to the Supreme Court, money is now speech and corporations are now people. But when real people without money assemble to express their dissatisfaction with the political consequences of this, they’re treated as public nuisances and evicted. ↗

— Robert Reich

#democracy #first-amendment #government #politics #public-assembly

Where have you been?" I asked weakly. A few minutes ago I would have rather died than questioned him. Let him know I care. But I'm too sick to be strong, kick ass Rayne at the moment. "Vegas" he says. I raise an eyebrows. "Uh, okay. Win anything?" I can't believe he was off gambling as I lay dying. I mean, I know poker is hot and all, but couldn't he have waited a couple of days for that straight flush? "I got what I went for, if that's what you mean." "What, a lap dance?" He chuckes. "Even sick, you're still funny, Rayne. ↗

— Mari Mancusi

#dying #jareth #rayne #vegas #funny