#rand

I shit bricks, because I’m a constructive pooper.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used as a patsy in a murder plot.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay off my American Express Bill" - Peter Ustinov, 1921-2004 ↗

— Peter Ustinov

#random #funny

A brick could be used to decorate a house. And not just one brick, thousands could be stacked and affixed together and really make your house not only feel like a home, but less drafty too.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Somebody left a pair of baby shoes on a bench. I would have taken them home, if only they weren’t too big for my feet.
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— Jarod Kintz

#baby-shoes #bench #bizarre #feet #funny

She wasn’t ready for this kind of distraction he caused her. It was bad enough she found him attractive, but having a attractive man in her home was just asking for trouble. ↗

— J.C. Valentine

#stranded #home

Bricks could be used to stock vending machines. You may be out of a home, but I’ll never be out of bricks to sell you.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

I have a friend who got into a car accident and now has a prosthetic metal leg, metal pins in his hips, and a metal plate in his head. One time I told him that he was like a human Swiss Army knife, to which he replied, “I’m Belgian. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#car-accident #funny #humor #random #swiss

Hand me my pants, ↗

— Michael Grant

#random #humor

Burn you, Nerim, that's a leg not a bloody side of beef!' 'As my lord says,' Nerim murmured. 'My lord's leg is not a side of beef. Thank you, my lord, for instructing me. ↗

— Robert Jordan

#humor #jordan #mat #nerim #rand