#rio

Don’t call me Lord Snow.” The dwarf lifted an eyebrow. “Would you rather be called the Imp? Let them see that their words can cut you and you’ll never be free of the mockery. If they want to give you a name take it make it your own. Then they can’t hurt you with it anymore. ↗

— George R.R. Martin

#tyrion-lannister #snow

The alien in my uncle hand obviously taken full control. Soon, it would claw its way out of his stomach and tap dance across my bed ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#hilarious #hilarious

So..." Heather nodded slowly. "We're still here." "Yep. I think your team of SWAT guys got lost. Probably looking for their shirts." She made a face at him. "You're effing hilarious." "I try. ↗

— Chelsea Fine

#chelsea-fine #gabriel #heather #hilarious

When the officer approached the window, he said ‘Papers’ and before he could finish, I shouted, ‘Scissors! I win,’ and drove off. ↗

— Kyle Adams

#hilarious

Just giving Jenny a last minute pep talk before the race," Drew informs him. "There's no need for that, Claire is going to kick everyone's ass." Carter says. Drew laughs and shakes his head. "Oh that's hilarious, limp dick! I know for a fact that Jenny will be the victor." "The Victor? Who's Victor? Is that like some vibrator champion or something? Is the race named after this Victor guy?" Claire pats my shoulder and just smiles at me. I guess she already knows about Victor. I'm always the last to know everything. ↗

— Tara Sivec

#jenny #vibrator-race #hilarious

You can build the Empire State Building. Train the Prussian army. Elevate the hierarchy of a totalitarian state higher than the throne of the Most High. But there are still people whose moral superiority defeats your own. ↗

— Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

#moral-superiority #morality #totalitarianism

Huh," said Percy. "Never seen Jason fly before. He looks like a blond superman. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#so-percy #hilarious

He always believed that people live up or down to the amount of trust you put in them. ↗

— Hilary Duff

#people #trust #hilarious

so the story goes but theres something you should know before i walk away and i blow the ending i never want to be without you oh no here i go now you know what i feel about you theres no running must have been wrong to doubt you oh there i go no control and i'm fallen so now you know ↗

— Hilary Duff

#hilary-duff #now-you-know #hilarious

Today, salute, mile, serve, deep. And I am never doing that again.-Kavi ↗

— Hilari Bell

#hilari-bell #kavi #hilarious