#s

It may have been observed that there is no regular path for getting out of love as there is for getting in. Some people look upon marriage as a short cut that way, but it has been known to fail. ↗

— Thomas Hardy

#humor

But if anyone so much as threatened them because of what Kaia had once done, she would turn the Slumber Party Massacre into Blood, Bath and Beyond, a documentary by Kaia Skyhawk. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#humor

I wish," I said. "I could save orgasms in a jar for when I need them, because I think I have a few extra. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#jars #orgasm-orgasms #sex #wish #humor

Fuck rational thought ↗

— George Carlin

#inspirational #rational #thought #humor

If I read as many books as most men do, I would be as dull-witted as they are. ↗

— Thomas Hobbes

#witty #humor

You didn’t feed from her,” he said, and this was not a question. “Swill poison? Not my kind of fun, little brother.” One corner of Stefan’s mouth quirked up. He made no response to this, but simply looked at Damon with eyes that were... knowing. Damon bridled. “I told the truth!” “Going to take it up as a hobby? ↗

— L.J. Smith

#humanity #humor #snark #humor

I'm told I'm very charming when people do what I want. ↗

— Steven Brust

#personality #humor

There is a tiger in my room,' said Frances. 'Did he bite you?' said Father. 'No,' said Frances. 'Did he scratch you?' said Mother. 'No,' said Frances. 'Then he is a friendly tiger,' said Father. 'He will not hurt you. Go back to sleep. ↗

— Russell Hoban

#children-s-literature #humor #stalling #tigers #humor

You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#idiom #optimism #humor

There are no things man was not meant to know. There are, perhaps, things man is too dumb to figure out, but that's a different problem. ↗

— Michael Kurland

#humor #logic #science #humor