#s

I believe in love. Unfortunately, it doesn't believe me. Lust, on the other hand, is a nagging wife poking constantly at my DNA. ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#humorist #humorous-quotations #humourous #humor

You know what's really freaky? Wes segues. "The fact that the psycho in question was the same guy who was after Debbie Marcus." The whole fiasco with Debbie Marcus had happened at around the same time that I was getting stalked. But instead of taking her seriously, people chalked her stories up to pranks and practical jokes, concluding that Debbie had gotten paranoid as a result. But there was obviously a lot more to it. "Actually, its not nearly as freaky as the fact that Camelia decided to go to the psycho's house without even calling us first," Kimmie says. "I already told you guys, I didn't have my phone." "And you've obviously never heard of a collect call," Wes says. "Nor have you heard of nine-one-one." Kimmie's barbell-pierced eyebrow rises high. "Because I hear that's free as well. ↗

— Laurie Faria Stolarz

#deadly-little-voices #humor #kimmie #wes #humor

There's no room for demons when you're self-possessed. ↗

— Carrie Fisher

#self-deprecation #humor

I'm an orphan!" Constance cried gleefully. "I'm an orphan!" ~ The Prisoner's Dilemma ↗

— Trenton Lee Stewart

#the-mysterious-benedict-society #humor

Genna: “My straw has a hole in it!” Tim: *gives her a Really? look* Genna: “One that it’s not meant to have! ↗

— Timmothy Radman

#misunderstanding #obvious #straw #humor

A short distance away is the Tidal Basin, ringed by cherry trees that every year produce flowers, an event to which Washingtonians react as though it were the Second Coming of Christ. ↗

— Dave Barry

#washington-dc #humor

Had she punished him enough? How could she be sure? ↗

— Anne Taintor

#humor

In most of my campaigns, I find it is best not to mention my opponent by name because, by doing so, it just gives him a chance to get into the headlines. ↗

— Harry S. Truman

#politics #humor

Steampunk is nothing more than what happens when Goths discover brown. ↗

— Charles Stross

#humorous #humor

If I had fifty-three minutes to spend as I liked, I should walk at my leisure toward a spring of fresh water. ↗

— Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

#inspirational