#sf

I want to mass produce wretchedness. An unsatisfactory factory. Then I want to produce cologne and stench—at different ends of the production line. So it would be an olfactory factory. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #olfactory #unsatisfactory #funny

He looks again towards the door, expecting Mum to walk in and remind him of something he's forgotten. He smiles awkwardly. 'Is that it, Dad? I've got to go.' 'Your Mum said I should mention ... um ... satisfaction.' 'What!' 'She said young men should know things, should be told things so that the girl won't be ...' his eyes plead for understanding, '... disappointed.' [...] 'No worries, Dad. My biology teacher said I was a natural.' Dad looks confused. 'I'm kidding, Dad.' [...] Poor bloke, having to do the dirty work while Mum's off with her gang. 'Dad? What did Grandpa tell you about sex?' 'He said if I got a girl pregnant, he'd kill me. ↗

— Steven Herrick

#female-satisfaction #funny #sex-talk #funny

He treats the person as if they were fully whole. We become what others expect us to be. Dad expected me to get better and even assumed I would have something helpful to say. Funny how we rise and fall to the assumptions of others. ↗

— Nathan Foster

#dad #healing #transformation #wholeness #funny

Don't worry about being nervous. A lot of vampires have trouble with this from time to time. It happens to everyone." "If I was a forty-year-old man suffering from erectile dysfunction, that would be a great comfort to me, thanks. ↗

— Molly Harper

#erectile-dysfunction #funny #jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs

I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension. ↗

— Steven Wright

#sci-fi #sf #humor

It was then that my gaze happened to fall on the bookcase, on the gap there, where the old paperback of "Nine Stories" had fallen flat. "Where's the thing?" I said. "What thing?" "The mesh. My mesh." She shrugged. "I tossed it." "Tossed it? Where? What do you mean?" In the next moment I was in the kitchen, flipping open the lid of the trash can, only to find it empty. "You mean outside?" I shouted. "In the dumpster?" When I came thundering back into the room, she still hadn't moved. "Jesus, what were you thinking? That was mine. I wanted that. I wanted to keep it." Her lips barely moved. "It was dirty. ↗

— T.C. Boyle

#dysfunctional-relationships #passive-aggression #shaming #home

I want to sympathize, I do, but the love triangle is just too delicious. The determined rock star and the possessive billionaire. Rawr. ↗

— Sylvia Day

#crossfire #eva-tramell #gideon-cross #reflected-in-you #sylvia-day

We were together because we were addicted to each other. I was never as intoxicated as I was when we were happy together, and I knew it was the same for him. We were putting ourselves through the wringer for those moments of perfection between us, but they were so tenuous that only our stubbornness, determination and love kept us fighting for them. ↗

— Sylvia Day

#angel #crossfire #love #reflected #romance

An awake heart is like a sky that pours light. ↗

— Hafiz

#personal-growth #spirituality #transcendence #transformation #personal-growth

For better or worse, he was my soul mate. The other half of me. In many ways, he was my reflection. ↗

— Sylvia Day

#eva #gideon-cross #soulmates #soulmates