#tan

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time. ↗

— Steven Wright

#back #coffee #i #instant #microwave

Everything will turn out right, the world is built on that. ↗

— Mikhail Bulgakov

#inspirational #satan #humor

The growth of my love story had been gradual but my success had always existed and both coupled together formed a deadly combination that was detrimental to our love. I wanted people to love me. She wanted them to leave her alone. ↗

— Faraaz Kazi

#love-story #misunderstandings #sad-love #tragic #love

I am Dead, but it's not so bad. I've learned to live with it. ↗

— Isaac Marion

#humor #paradox #humor

I have a beard of fog that I wear on misty mornings. It’s not cigarette smoke, but I’d understand if you wanted to shave it off and inhale it. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cigarette #fog #funny #humor #inhale

An alcoholic is someone you don't like, who drinks as much as you do. ↗

— Dylan Thomas

#definitions #humor #substance-abuse #humor

The greater part of the world's troubles are due to questions of grammar. ↗

— Michel de Montaigne

#grammar #humor #misunderstandings #problems #troubles

A tree gives glory to God by being a tree. For in being what God means it to be it is obeying [God]. It “consents,” so to speak, to [God's] creative love. It is expressing an idea which is in God and which is not distinct from the essence of God, and therefore a tree imitates God by being a tree ↗

— Thomas Merton

#love

Before he sat down, my internal heat-seekers sensed what was coming my way: deep blue eyes that melted girls like Velveeta in a microwave. I tried to resist those microwave eyes, but sometimes there's no defense against them. I had a feeling I'd be seeing him weeping over my coffin later that night. ↗

— Natalie Standiford

#humor #microwaves #natalie-standiford #humor

I stared. "Canadian Satanists? You're sending me to a group of Canadian Satanists? ↗

— Richelle Mead

#paranormal #richelle-mead #satanist #succubus #succubus-heat