Hopelessness Confessions

I've always loved dragons and draconic things more than anything else, they are the only reason i am alive nowadays. its always been my fucking dream to just be one with one, I've wanted to be with/married with one, and have been attracted to them but its not just that, truly and deeply care about them. I love them more that I can put into words on here. i would love to spend every day caring and loving them. to make them feel treasured and pleases. the only thing i want in life is to be a dragon, together with a dragon

I know they don't and most likely will never exist. and honestly its one of the things that depresses me the most, that the one thing I want, the one thing I have always wanted in life and the one thing that I love, will not and will never exist. and it hurts, I've woken up from dreams where I was a dragon or was with one, and cried. It feels like I was a mistake, like I will never get to live a life where I get to truly live. One where I can show how much I love something and how much I want to be something with all my heart

No one in my life knows this, I live a fairly average life, I feel, I have a positive relationship with my family, I have a nine to five job with no real goal for a career. I have a few friends that I occasionally hang out with sometimes. Never been in a relationship, never wanted to, at least not with anything that isn't draconic. No one knows this, they all just assume I am just a normal person. and I guess in most aspects, I am. No one knows about this, or for this need I have had for my entire life, for 22 years

I have no idea what to do, I fall asleep hoping there's a dragon next to me, sunlight reflecting off her scales with a warm smile. the only way I can cope is by enjoying media with dragons, or well, at least the ones where they don't kill them. and I don't what to do. I've debated ending my life, just because of the hopelessness of never going to have this happen. I've stood on overpass debating if I should I love them and always will.
and I have no idea what to do.

#hopelessness   #love