#al

I’m too big of a fan of sin and debauchery to be a Christian. ↗

— J.C. Wickhart

#humor #humor

Kenzie took two staggering steps backward, staring at the feeline as if in a daze. "O-kay," she breathed, shaking her head slightly. "A cat. A cat that talks. I'm going crazy." she glanced at me. " Or you slipped something into my drink at the tournament. One or the other. ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#ethan-chase #grimalkin #humor #kenzie-st-james #humor

A brick could be dropped on your mother-in-law’s head from the height of 66.6 feet. You know, as a going away present. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket #funny #humor #random #strange

Stupid deer," I said, embarrassed about being startled. "We need a ladder." "I think they're easier to shoot with a rifle." "I'm not talking about the deer," I said, hitting Milo on the back of his shoulder. "We need a ladder to look over the wall." "Or a catapult," Milo said seriously. ↗

— Obert Skye

#deer #humorous #shooting #humor

I stared. "Canadian Satanists? You're sending me to a group of Canadian Satanists? ↗

— Richelle Mead

#paranormal #richelle-mead #satanist #succubus #succubus-heat

I love nuts. I'm for nuts. I am nuts. ↗

— Penn Jillette

#inspirational #nuts #weirdos #humor

Alice is fictional. This isn't. ↗

— Jess C. Scott

#dark-humor #group-think #groupthink #lady-gaga #mad-magazine

What song would lull a snake into submission? "John Mayer?" "Over my dead body." "Could be, Tim, could be. ↗

— Gini Koch

#humor #sci-fi #humor

Delk shifted in his chair, the arrow point never wavering. "What do you want?" "Oh, the usual.World peace, a pair of Christian Louboton heels, a perfect wedding. ↗

— MaryJanice Davidson

#inspirational #motivating #humor

You go Picasso! ↗

— Sarah Weeks

#humor-inspirational #humor