#ape

Renaldo once made a sex tape, and even fully erect, he still had to shoot it four times just to get some "footage. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#fiction #funny #humor #movies #sex

I wish I knew what you were talking about," she returned. "Where's the pin?" "Pin?" "Yes. Pin. To fasten the diaper. The kid can't hold the thing up with two hands. ↗

— Emma Goldrick

#funny

Newspapers represent everything that is wrong with the world, in a slant that is too accurate, on print that is too high-grade. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #newspapers #representation #funny

On the morning in question, she wore white shorts and a pink T-shirt that featured a green dragon breathing a fire of orange glitter. It is difficult to explain how awesome I found this T-shirt at the time. ↗

— John Green

#papertowns #humor

He awaits himself while walking, out of the icy circle to escape. ↗

— Dejan Stojanovic

#circling #dejan-stojanovic #escape #icy #literature

Why can't these American women stay in their own country? They are always telling us that it is the paradise for women. It is. That is the reason why, like Eve, they are so excessively anxious to get out of it. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#escape #eve #humor #paradise #sarcasm

Red tape is being mishandled as government wrapping paper. We should be putting it over politicians’ mouths instead. ↗

— Bauvard

#government #humor #politicians #red-tape #funny

I look at him ready to cry again. Not out of pain. Not out of need. But because his words rub that part of my soul that suffers, that wants to be explored like a virgin land that has remained intact for centuries and craves to be occupied, appreciated and transformed. ↗

— Aileen Rose

#bdsm-paranormal #erotic-romance #shapeshifters #erotic-romance

Maybe all the strings inside him broke. ↗

— John Green

#paper #paper-towns #quentin #towns #john-green

It wasn't a sign of weakness to tell what happened to me. I feel guilt no longer, only regret. The other emotions are coming around too. How much further do I need to go? I'm not sure, but there is comfort in the fact that I am in the hands of expert guides, both in the doctor's office and at home with Sue. ↗

— Charles L. Bailey Jr.

#guilt #healing #journey #onion #painful